hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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