and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
