ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
