Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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