i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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