i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
