I can't breathe out the right side of my face
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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