My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
