Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
did i just pee glitter
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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