I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
