Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
