Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
