saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
