just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
i out mim tonsoeep
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