I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
