There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
