youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
