I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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