is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Randomize
