I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
What changed your mind?
Being sober
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize
