I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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