At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
