think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
