1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
