im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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