I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I know her cup size but not her name....
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
