Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
