so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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