All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He? As in you personified your dick?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
