Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Define "chronic" masturbator.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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