Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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