ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
