They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
