last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
