Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
