booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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