dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
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