It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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