should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Randomize
