you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
