Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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