dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
