I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
