We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
