Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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