If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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