Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
