Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
not ubering you a puppy
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
