my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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