Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Less talking, more tequila
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
