so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Randomize
