Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
